I remembered I had brought with me from tw these photographic slides from my birthplace in rotorua, nz that were captured by someone I do not know (my mum was looking after a golf resort getaway place and I was also born in that town and lived in it up until early elementary maybe, but I know it isn't a place of happy memories for my mum so it is strange looking at all these picturesque images. i don't know how to articulate it, it is like stepping on a bomb. one of the strangest things, apart from not recognising myself as a two, three year old, is not being sure if this man in two of the slides is my dad or not and it is not like I don't have memories with him, its just been years and its disconcerting to think about. the absurd reality of not recognizing your flesh and blood but also not entirely sure you want to either. it is another strange anxious in between space. suspension...)
suspension is a key word that has been popping up for me lately, ever since starting the essay and wanting to reach that perfect strange spot of suspension in my floating train metaphor (fine line between ridiculous and profound, etc. in the galaxy, are you sure you are not falling? the existential realisation that you may never land and not sure if you want to. i know 'suspension of disbelief' is a thing in fiction, theatre, etc. which I of course find very interesting... is it throwing away your beliefs in order to enjoy or indulge in something ... 'suspending the IMPOSSIBILITY of the narrative'... 'often burden on the reader rather than writer to achieve it..' 'often essential for magic acts..' 'temporarily accept it as reality in order to be entertained..' 'poetic faith'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKP6L2IFE5g ted talk willing suspension of disbelief
anyway, ill drop some of the images I scanned with an app here but, there is still something special about seeing the actual slides in their size holding a tiny image, especially lighted with the lightbox, a sort of x-ray or forensic atmosphere.. like I'm examining it and dissecting it ..
------ and what to do with this Archive? how does this tie in with the suspension? i am believing that I experienced this, from a distance... all this wondrous nature, captured at one point, 'as pictured'.. what do I do with this? display as Investigation site? blow up really big (this is tempting ) , surrounding you? accompany with text? paint from (also tempting)... they have a pamphlet quality to it which makes sense because that would be some of the ways they promoted the place back in the day.. i wonder if I can do something with that ... there's also the quality of the images, perhaps similar to the flash photography I love s uch (i thjink i really wanna incorporate more flash images , perhaps ill rent. abig flash attachment from the loan store, there's something about images like paparazzi pictures that draw me in.. it is so arresting , more so than the normal.. i want to have a room full of flash photography .. but of what ...) I have those flsh images of objects, which I love.. a fetishised energy.. and people, of course.. but it feels invasive... what about artificial landscapes? I might do this.. i am thinking of the ocean dome images again)
