basically, after going to the perfectionism and impostor syndrome workshop by ual counselling I feel I need to relax the reins a bit esp of this blog. it is pressuring me, its everyday push, that it needs to be updated in order for me to move forward. but yesterday at the workshop she suggested to do a stream of consciousness session every morning (don't know if this is realistic but i do wanna do it often) to get the clutter out of the way so the creativity has room to build - and I always have a lot of clutter! I did it this morning and I feel much better. I even made myself some categorisations personal to myself to categorise the long list of tasks into mundane, medium, significant, and big priority so I know which to do first. i thought the physical paper calendar i printed out with the mini scribbles on it day to day was enough. but typing everything out in a long list categorised makes it so much clearer. i think I'll try this way and see how it goes. again, it is ok not to know what you're doing all the time. i remember this from the workshops, along with a lot of other valuable things. I'm glad i went. i feel a bit more balanced. i was about to make another breakdown post, probably.
>>>> ill be updating more, basically everyday in my private stream of consciousness document but will be selective on what to put on here that is more central to the practice (?)
11.3.21 update .. i had a meeting with the specialist 1-1 about my time management and it was really helpful, almost like therapy. she particularly understood where i was coming from after reading my statement draft. she was super understanding because she knows i am interested in the 'capture', capturing of the everyday, but this isn't realistic, which I know. a few good points she made;
-selection/curation of things that moved you, particularly meaningful things, is part of having a blog - and will make it clear for people who view it what was impactful as well.
-need some headspace/distance for reflecting, probably not immediately after, (I said probably not too close to the event but not too long that I forget either, like I tend to do and having to catch up for months worth of posts)
-to decide if its going to be weekly, or every two weeks etc. and what time of the day, morning, night better for reflection according to me.
she also said when the schedule is more flexible (no immediate deadlines that you have to put in first, we were working with my monthly calendar and she helped me schedule my weeks recently) i should prioritise/do the thing that motivates/excites me first , which is great because i actually wanna do them. (right now, actually not my studio practice at home. she was understanding of that too, she said i may feel like i exhausted the things I could do here.. i don't know.. you can always do more.. but its true i want to fly back to london to do work.. i don't know.. maybe ill make a post now on my mindset)