I've been having dreams almost every night but I'll just copy and paste some parts I wrote down that could be used for something in the future..
14.11.20 taiwan small trip. very dark like nighttime but somehow can still see everything. from location to location we pass different river like spots for photos for tourists I guess and also one recognisable from postcards with rows and rows of houses (this ones sunny) but notably we went to a site that was a wide river and it was almost like lava was coursing through some bigs glowing. it was almost black, mostly grey. looked very cinematic and I could hear dramatic movie music as I walked closer. I saw a large sign at the photoshop and knew at once it was from a film and this was an iconic film location (research? - take pics / screenshots) I think I thought about something like lotr or a nz epic adventure film. it was very cloudy overhead. crossing the bridge across to the left, sudden sparks flew and burst overhead, realised it was fireworks so contrasted in the dark night, saw random american like man with straw hat or something associated with them, I was trying to take as many pictures as I can even, especially as it got more dangerous, and I regret not getting to the video button on time as it turned from slightly alarming to a full blown typhoon like storm. I remember a shot of the streetlight on the floor with other objects as if it was slow motion and blurred (but like those filters on ig) and like I was sideways too blown in the wind, we crossed the bridge eventually but with great peril. somehow we were crossing very slowly and I glanced left on the wall and it was like a tourist information office wall for Taiwanese travellers that had a taiwan tourist logo that looked like a little person with the head of a telescope like thing but not extended, it was rainbow or multicoloured looking slightly upwards, side profile. the last thing I saw on the wall was dark blue text in mandarin a sign saying every point can be returned to if you get lost in taiwan, (basically there’s always a way back at any point around the island if you get swept away) and that the most hazardous area is off the coast in zhong nan bu waters. but we managed to inch our way across the bridge seemingly on a car (reminds me of the storm sequence in ponyo..)
12.11.20 a lot of dreams but just gonna note down the beach part / saw on story somebody recorded how a seagull ate another seagull mid flight, and another did the same, wanting to show my sister, but we never got to it when we relived it, I saw tourist boats or cruises of people on the deck as orcas or small whales are all almost vertical on the water at edge of boat clamouring for get close, they were a sight. the seagull absolutely devouring the other almost twisting it’s neck to fit it in but swiftly whilst flying. It’s head contorted or expanded before going back to the normal size. the beach was gloomy and very sandy, the wind picking up and sand flying.
11.11.20 frightening dream of being this woman and driving round this car in this video game like place but she went a bit crazy this guy was with her the whole time won’t leave alone, driving all over speeding and over rocks and cliffs and even with own feet I remember thinking this is like a platform video game as I jumped again on those square rocks, drove through river as the guy was exclaiming what are you doing ,, the place was a natural place like a hidden creek with leafy foliage .. but it was nighttime and he was still there ... this film brought to me by the same starter film company who produced another film that I remember and I wasn’t shocked to find out bc it had similar vibes and also stuck with me it was something ironic like getting attention when it’s about people liking it, some iconic imagery, last scene tatami floor and spiritual maybe soldier on horse,, and in the middle maybe red neon lights outside when waiting for someone.. think it also had a stalkerish theme.. probably cos someone mentioned the film perfect blue online and I dreamt of this
7.11.20 my mum brought me to the family graveyard - ancestors all buried in one place - everyone on this great slope, significant mounds of earth. she said one day you can be there, at that spot. she pointed it was a spot near top and it looked very peaceful the Buddhist statue was over it - was pretty huge and blue ish grey, weathered. Felt a sense of serenity. the sky was all white with clouds. almost misty but not cold at all. everything felt choked up. The green of the grass was pale. I was thinking how I would even be able to be buried here, I was still a kid and I didn’t know any contacts or how to do anything here in Taiwan. I thought about how casually our ancestors my family was in this one place how anyone could stumble upon it, and that’s my family. / great ponds of very dark calibre of very thin ice like parts that we stepped on , once I stepped on a streak of it and fell of course and was immediately pulled up by my mum. it was the sort of pond you wish to never fall into, god knows what is in there, looks slimy but dead black and clear at the same time, miscellanous bits floating and maybe some plants like weeds. skeletons, a main one of a medium size was just beneath the surface, tried not to agitate it as we walked, couldn’t tell what animal it was. but at the end I did, rippled the water even stepped through, it broke surface and came up, thought it was gonna attack me but started being friendly. it was a dog. it barked in greeting, ready to be loyal. it’s skeleton looked happy. I said sit and it did as I left.
29.10.20 series of extremely uncomfortable dreams, people being difficult. Last one was the hardest, my sis died, my mum decorating the place for her bday, toys and things everywhere. they put up their portion of the poster up, I didn’t even start to really think about my portion yet. on the wall, two long large posters that were like collages were on there already. the right side is missing. I looked at the table where they laid out happy birthday (pink, cursive writing in fabric, sparkly) I felt my mums sad smile as she looked down at it. and there were the various dolls houses and soft toys beneath the table. I was picking out stuff that was mine. my mum was mad at me, somehow everything was my fault, my mum was so mad at me she could barely speak. she said, in her final tone, like she disowned me, that we only have tomorrow and peter isn’t even available on Friday, we’ll have to get our stuff out of here in these days. the place I understand was rented. It felt very temporary and sad that we have to leave again. it had a sad warm light. after, I might have been walking with someonw, we were both solemn and they showed me a route across a city river. then we climb up this new bridge, they patted the left side which was newly constructed, it was a cream colour and powdery and thick. they said this is one of their favourite spots to photograph. I looked up and it was a horizon of buildings, nothing special really, but there was a weird serenity. it might have been a port of transport, a station, I looked down and it was dry river, grey. the sun was covered by clouds and all was bright . We walked into a final room, small, perhaps a restaurant, and at that point I somehow knew what I am putting on the poster. It was going to be food, but I realised I should put pictures of us. just me and her. // I said something rude to this guy at a lunch, he went crazy, he was taken out and shoved violently into a body bag. the police was laughing maniacally. whilst he blinked dumb. it was horrible to watch , a terrible guilt // before this, a scene near a stairway that is very high up in between buildings, maybe a mix between cat returns and spirited away, but metal, and a lot of people there perhaps a distant family gathering, and I was trying to control these two kids and one of the little girls which could be my sister popped out of her jacket as I tried to hold on, I thought she was going to fall off the stairway and off the great height. fortunately, she popped out in the direction inwards and I sighed and my mum laughed.
25.10.20 I ran back to the supermarket place cos I left my purse and everything there, but there was people who are realising we are the ones on the run with the evidence lying around so I grabbed the big evidence from the popsicle box and ran and got the other kid with me and we sprinted and panicked we went through a door out back and it was like we were in the countryside. we morphed into different faces for a while but had to go further back and it was a strange fence of an area of large abnormally large animals and I said it’s like princess mononoke. the huge boar and horse and everyythinh. they occasionally turned over, or flapped their tails, it was like time slowed down in this small entrapment, with fences around, but just small garden fences they could easily step over. traces of sunlight lie ok their fur. the grass hair like and fresh green. with dense forest around maybe. the people were after us, right on our tail. we ran through this area with these metal rope things across but we couldn’t run fast enough
24.10.20 jellyfish made of puzzle pieces, memories which u have to purchase to be sent in the sphere for screen time, flying nice holding another
19.10.20 a bunch of people in the cast but mine had seriously the best talent, but we really experienced something traumatic here, we just keep witnessing bloody murders group after group and this person, he’s tiny and crumpled now, is getting deader and deader at some point we knew we had to dispose of him and, we picked up every piece of him, I had to have the job of three pieces in my mouth, so it’s open and I couldn’t speak, as we wait for the elevator in the parking lot ... I was the only cast that looked like an asian girl as I looked in the mirror it was neon green lights. The stench of blood. (I woke up at 2, now 4 )
17.10.20 A lot of different rooms, was in exhibition, taxidermy but mostly those life size fluffy replicas of animals, subdued light, realised how scared I was when the other person left and I was alone. very strange exhibit some parts felt like a store, shelf, I remember peering into and walking almost through a part where there are shelves and peering through the side and it’s like they haven’t finished the display cos there’s an awkward gap there. I then felt the sudden panic of I am so close to these animals scare. there was perhaps a furry turkey like bird plush on the shelf, and something bigger than me . (is this reminiscent of the et exhibit scare) in another section a real fish tank display but it goes into these seats, see through covers but only one, and as we looked closer there were rips in it so the water came out and the person I was with said yeah look, the fish is out too! and I felt a horrible guilt that they’re dying and these are horrible conditions, and the water through the cover looked almost neon, artificial, the nature transition like moss to plastic was unnatural. // in another structure which felt like a game or exhibit as well or escape room except this was real and not constructed by the outside, in a group of three maybe, going through seemingly normal looking large rooms with displays and strange markings on the wall and curious things all around, then suddenly the walls turned black and writing turned red, and we knew the transition had started, it’s now a dark version of what it has been and every room is suddenly full of horrors, out to get us. we breeze through but I could see how pitch black rooms are when we swung open the doors for a sec. / and then it was like a tv show where the big reveal happens and all these characters and hurrying around mostly strange characters, the big reveal being this evil kid who took off the mask to reveal herself she was pretending to be this boy manipulating everyone. The mask was goosebumps puppet like. / kind of same realm but, a store, trying on hats and taking my time, enjoying it. Started opening small shelves that store accessories. but there were shelves with tiny animal key ring things, they were jiggly like the pudding thing I have irl, but I thought they were alive, they felt alive as I touched them and they jiggled. I think there were real ones among them - like the next shelves, some had tiny, tiny rabbits all pressed together, so cute but so sad, probably barely alive, just trying to move in that tiny shelf, they were the size of my fingertips. they felt fake like jiggly but they were real animals this time. another shelf (Matte plastic) with another customer browsing had tiny puppies. I think I took two tiny rabbits out and one jumped out but I managed to get him before he hopped away. I thought, I’m sorry, you must be thinking freedom at last. while doing this I realised, without looking down that I smooshed the other one as if it was made of the jiggly material the key rings were, and I dropped the remains casually and felt extremely guilty.
15.10.20 I was someone dying, I felt i was dying, I had some one, a creature with me talking to me, I was in water walking like slow motion but I felt my blood draining out of me, that creature said that’s why everything’s flooding blue (like blue blood in that book) (in the dream I noted down in my head what if I had white blood or black blood - that author really chose the best colour for a strange eerie characteristic for an alien) anyway I was in this tunnel thing almost like a river in the city like in Porco Rosso when he took off that plane but everything’s dark and drenched in a dark blue hue and I was walking and sinking but definitely progressing forwards.. thought I couldn’t make it, but where I was going was a worse place, I don’t know why I wanted to get there. I had a picture of it in my mind already like I’d already been there moments ago. it’s like a time warp or premonition or simply my dream imagination. an extremely dark and small room low ceilings. (it was like I was imaging for myself the worst room / hell/torture) and grey grainy walls. black dog seeped in, calculated like someone decided on which entry points to let it in, but it was halfway between liquid and gas, it was almost elegant the way it silked in and expanded in a more gas form, with beautiful cloud shapes , I thought of the dementor at the time, it was like I was explaining this to myself as I experienced it, I thought they really did the dementor thing well in Harry Potter. but yeah I was heading there, I knew. I get to land somehow and it’s all Taiwanese streets but alleyways, nobody around, a nostalgic light, warm, welcoming, but I was in a hurry to get to this dark room I was destined to be in. I turn corner after corner and it was like I was inventing the place, I see childcare centres I see little rides in front of stores, all feel very vintage and worn but nice. I get a glimpse of my sister saying cheerfully to a bunch of girls but one in particular cos she knew her form another class, a rehearsed hi I’m ciaoting and then, the girl said her rehearsed line back and she said have a nice morning, and the girl said it back. I hurried on and turned another corner and I knew I had to go into this alley, it was a few steps down too. and it will be there. I think the creature might still be with me (it wa supportive) but I can’t be sure. I woke up before getting there.
8.10.22 two big teeth on left side middle back started wobbling then they both fell out, then another, then all of the blttom left side, they were all crunches and I could see some were rotten and that affected all of them. it was like crunching on your own teeth with your teeth. horrible and terrifying. on the right side as well. I still had my front teeth though and some. I stressed about finding a dentist in time here. the teeth, could see it on the tissue with saliva, so crunchy and fragile when they cane out that it was almost like wall bits. losing something major you never thought you’d lose. the first two were sturdy and normal but a big loss to the set . in the tissue in bits I could see the two or three rotten ones had sources of black infecting them, and some on the side at breakage points had slightly red running through them, like veins. and they were all slightly off white yellow. very human and off putting colours. When I woke up at 6 near 7 the top of my left ear was so irritated I couldn’t sleep again, like itchy and painful like it’s raw every time I don’t touch it again. / pets.. / travelling in a big school group .. long skirt, waiting at airport ..
2.10.20 killed someone with a rock/ in a large dark wood mansion building with multiple floors, my mum was nearby, probably lying down, I didn’t want her to get hurt, I was so angry, he might have been laughing in a way that he couldn’t care less about taking advantage, I used a small rock, I just kept banging and banging on his head and trickles of blood started to come out. at one point I was banging on Polaroid’s, his face faded fast, snapped away when I banged on, by the end I think it was silent and I checked and I see a weird like almost sculpted head but I knew it was him - but now the head was under a tabletop like he was part of furniture, from this angle I could see one eye peeking from under that tabletop, and few strands of black hair sticking from his forehead where I hit him. I checked his beady black eyes, I’m sure he was dead. it didn’t feel good that now I had to hide this forever. I saw a flash of the grand stairs with one stair filled with blood dripping down where someone narrated saying word will get out, the maid, etc.. and we cut to two professionals, one saying lucky for us he’s an expert in this, another too. everyone in this rich upper class world gets away with murder easily. money keeps people’s mouths shut. / bright pink hair, grieving for someone, but not him, someone else (can you grieve for someone you killed though?)
16.9.20 very large extremely high vast forest, can’t see the end of it, very white and wispy, foggy round the edges, when it wasn’t white it was grey, trapped in a community, didn’t have money bc used all the webs on our constructions / houses. the leader, a scary woman figure walks through our places and we flee from her bc she is collecting fees for the song we’re hearing, which was also very eerie. I see everyone fleeing and hiding, those who didn’t escape on time she cut bits of web out of their houses, they start to collapse a little. I manage to run around corners and keep glancing back and keep fleeing, I was lucky. I saw girls huddled together, whimpers as waves of movement blew through the webs. the lady came to a corner and I fled away. but soon everyone gathered at lightning speed like magnets and exclaims bubbled, even the lady herself had a shocked, disbelief look on her face as she held a dress on a hanger, again everything was white and wispy as though everything was made from webs, like she was packing it away, one of the girls was leaving - and it was one of the girls we never thought would leave, we were all extremely shocked, Charlotte, a little girl who is always there...
11.9.20 with my mum at a very large deep artificial beach that stretches like a real ocean. very dark sand, almost grey mud colour. deep and high that you had to tread carefully down. many many people on the layers. suddenly closing but announcement to make a clearing to our left, so we did, thinking someone was performing. instead, we get a video and speech about the dying planet. some gov official made a small speech that everyone’s pretending to be interested in, its question time and I was surprised there are a few,
10.9.20 a lot as well - but my mum asking me to pick between going to togawakawa or takawakawa in japan (karuizawa?) - and we previewed it irl, went off station, and the first one upon googling had cute logos of museums, like the togawakawa museum with a cute giraffe or something, and the second one it was all very sad beige parks and one lone animal sculpture . we were on a pier and I said the first one.
6.9.30 a lot of different dreams but last one : in lab, woman giving birth without going through sex, extra dangerous, meanwhile doctor on brink of death from injury, and nurse as well. the nurse I remember specifically we lied her belly down and opened her back to put her spine back in place like a robot and there was no blood even though we previously saw some come out. but it was like a bone dry cavern under these blue artificial lights in the room. she was like had an animal head like a ram or someone with those horns pointing up. the doctor was barely able and he collapsed as well and I was on my own and I had to call the emergency number to the other doctor guy and I was speaking too casual and slowly when I need to speak fast. in the other room, the mother already gave birth and was looking good, a pleasant surprise with yellow blankets and a round small baby. but a doctor said they won’t last long need the love when making them. the mother looked doubtful. she had a strong body and long curly brown flowing hair. grandpa came in and disapproved of her choices in the baby’s outfit, she chose a big puffy hat, I remember that in photos, a triangle shape. he said it’s so cold outside and this is what you put on it? this one would be more suitable and he held the smaller cape / hat. but the mother insisted though spoke small.
29.8.20 absolutely terrifying dreams like incident after incident like constant cycle of fear living in that ? I was in a flat white walls clean minimal and I keep getting hunted out by something - I remember in one incident I looked in the body length mirror on the door and glanced up and there was someone in the hallway behind me but it was me, in blue pigtails, evilly and playfully just hiding behind the other door . I slowly move but my eyes are on her, she only moved when I moved, but somehow I wasn’t afraid, well I was but I was mostly tired. I break and run towards that room, everything was carpeted in this house, nice and clean, but I knew I had been attacked or abused again and again - I just remember snippets of blood, my blood and - in another incident I see a single hanger hung on the railing (there was nothing in this house) and it was a complete set of clothes I knew I wore another day, this yellow sundress and I see my bra hung out as well, complete with my underwear and socks. everything was bloody, and not that fresh, the blood had dried, it was like I’m looking at a memory of something horrible, and I saw that my skin have been ripped off and are still stuck on that bra. weirdly I felt disconnected to all of this, nonchalant, as I reached for the hanger and went back to my room down the hall. everything was sort of like low exposure filter almost, sort of grainy feel. I also remember a reoccurring glimpse of a halloween very red background but maybe witch thing I keep referring back to in my mind, it scared me but I had to think about it. how do I sleep after that ? it feels like something demonic in my own flat, inescapable so I just accepted it for my whole lifetime. I also remember in front of that empty ‘closet’ , I was stomping out at this thing, maybe a ribbon, and old dried blood smeared under in but acting like it’s new blood, like I’m stomping on it and it’s coming out fresh but it’s obviously been time. I also had pigtails at this point, stomping away.