mid august

8/17 continued maniac.. just keeps getting better.. "there is no pattern, there is only chaos"

8/20 filmed my first youtube video for editing and posting, also miss my cat in taiwan.

from this day forward for the rest of august, I just kept filming videos, and learning how to edit on iMovie, using Keynote, Photoshop to make more customised edits.. unfortunately I did not have much time for drawing or anything.. my mind was on this new expression.. transfixed.. it is terrifying but exciting.. I know I will fail in the beginning but I will try my best to keep trying consistently.. I want to do something consistently over time, for once... my eyes hurt from more and more hours of learning, finding materials, and editing... but it's all for this.. expression.. I filmed a video everyday consecutively for maybe 3-4 days.. I was exhausted and deflated..

8/23 started watching the handmaid's tale, the tv series, and it was much more amazing than I expected it to be... it was so cinematic as well, and probably the most tense atmosphere in a show I ever experienced.. I truly felt like I was living in this horrific dystopia.. some really nice shots (terrible images with my spoon in the way) I do also have the audiobook of it but haven't listened to it properly yet... also, the way things are named and the things they say in fiction like this is terrifying.. 'the Eyes'.. 'the Ceremony'.. 'Praised Be' 'May the Lord Open'... reminds me of the different titles in 1984 as well.. makes you feel so trapped.

8/28 the new book that zoë recommended arrived.. and I am so grateful for this recommendation because I felt so far from my research for the past few months, something about this isolation made my focus spread, I didn't know where to put my energy in, and that energy has become an all-time-low. so I am really excited to dive into this, it is so brilliantly put together from what I can see so far.

I know that this will become an incredibly valuable source of research for me.