recent events - the death of George Floyd - has caused an uproar in social media. it unearthed a lot of voices, the constant sharing of resources to help/sign petitions/ donate/ and information to educate ourselves - and it is just so heartbreaking sad horrific to think about how this is their life every day and this deep rooted problem isn’t going to go away... it seems impossible. but at least there are people who are trying their all to help the best they can. like every global injustice i observe from afar, I feel really helpless that all I can do is sign petitions, donate a small sum, and share links and posts to spread awareness and call others to action. it’s a many layered thing to be active in standing for those who are oppressed when you are so obviously privileged. It makes me sad but it’s not about me, of course. but I can’t stop thinking about it, even though I can hardly process it. I am not very good at putting this kind of thing into words, I feel very robotic when usually I waffle on and on. it’s just an overwhelming hopeless/helplessness to problems that are only blown up by hashtags and Instagram posts - a double edged sword - but have always been existing, not even in the shadows, but in broad daylight and television and everyday life. it is not an easy thing to tackle, but that makes it even more important to tackle it. and we really need to all do it together - but this is impossible. I am trying my best to see that every trivial thing helps but ... I saw a post saying if ‘everyone’ contributed in some way then we wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place because it wouldn’t be the norm to behave in such ways. but this ‘everyone’ is impossible. and it’s easy to think, what’s the point? and give up your voice but this is all the more reason to use your voice.. every single day we are living on the privilege that black people have to suffer for and I feel so sad about that. and this whole sharing of them suffering is not helping overall - it’s disrespectful to the families, traumatising. everything feels so wrong and the world is so corrupt. I feel so contradicted. to unlearn a whole system rooted in racism as a community.. is that even possible. even if it isn’t, we simply have to try our best in our own ways. I’m gonna educate myself better even though my mental health might plummet. but I have to understand what we’re standing against to do so. I don’t know what to think. every second I stay ignorant, they suffer. my head is going to explode, but this isn’t about me. I’m afraid to say some things because I’m afraid I’d say something painfully ignorant. but I have to learn through those mistakes. and it’s true, the quote spreading like wildfire on social media, if you stay silent you are on the side of the oppressor. if you see someone suffer and turn a blind eye, you’re on the oppressor’s side.. you have a responsibility to say that that’s wrong. also, the whole argument about ‘all lives matter’ is just vacant. there are some posts going around explaining it through some analogies - if a kid gets stung by a bee, you give that kid a bandaid because they’re suffering. you don’t give all the kids bandaids because they’re not all hurt. it’s the same with black lives matter. they are suffering so they need to be the ones we need to fight for right now. anyway, I might have sounded uninformed or ignorant but I’m trying my best to form words and thoughts right now. it’s definitely a duty as a human to hold on to your humanity when there is suffering in the world and help those in need in your own small way. it’s not performative for others to see, it’s for them, again, it’s not about you. I can’t believe how corrupt this world can be in every corner of the planet in the shadows and in broad daylight, that we are still treating people of different skin colours such drastically different ways. I feel defeated. I wish I could do more but I can only do so much right now. there are so many things to fight against in this world, I wish I could do it all. brainwash those who can actually make a big change. humans are the most inhumane. anyway, I’m really trying my best to stay afloat, but I am finding it hard to focus on the deadline and work right now. I feel like there is something so big and horrific fight that I cannot fight but also I cannot not fight that I am overwhelmed. I simply cannot imagine being a black person living in america. I’m praying for something good to come out of this surge of support worldwide and my heart goes out to all the families of the victims, but what does that do? I want to cry. I see major flaws in myself on issues like these and I’m trying to change that. I hate myself for being painfully ignorant in the past, you don’t really think about it growing up in a sheltered environment. but now I’m out in the world and I’m seeing it everywhere. this is what buddha meant by suffering.. I hope there is a better world out there for the sufferers.. or I hope they have a much better life in their next life. I don’t know what I want to say here, I just feel very sad angry and defeated for the deep rooted racism and the endless, absolutely endless world injustices out there and the dangerous - too easily - desensitised manner in which we brush things off. that’s a privilege... I hope everyday there is a better world for everyone. it seems harmony is impossible on this planet but you have to keep hoping.
