the beginning of the pandemic/lockdown taking place, when everything's uncertain, especially in stretches of time...
just playing with the words. certain - uncertain.
also recognising that I am extremely privileged to not struggle for housing/money/work right now.
now that the lockdown is really happening, the overwhelming ‘uncertainty’ of everything, especially in timeline of near future events, is crashing down on us all at once. I’ve never experienced a pandemic like this, only disasters like earthquakes, and being a fictional adult is really putting things into perspective. I think about the certain uncertainty of our ‘routine’ for uni and whatnot getting thrown off - and how scary that is - but it made me realise even more that - having that routine in the first place is the biggest privilege, to have that stable thing in your life. I’m lucky to have a roof over my head right now. I’m thankful for everything, and it is scary, but we’ll all just have to take things one at a time because that’s all we can do. I’m really trying not to panic or have an anxiety attack thinking about visas and MAs and when I can fly back home and fly back here to find a flat and move my many boxes of stuff and paintings. I wish I was a more functional adult. a lot of my friends who are international students are flying back, some even told me to but that notion has never crossed my mind. I have too much to finish here. I can’t go home. what would I do there anyway. it’s just going to make things messier and the uncertainty of not knowing when I can come back and deal with my stuff and degree and applications makes me feel so much anxiety. but that’s uncertainty for you. you can’t do anything but focus on right now. So right now I’m doing the best I can taking a day at a time. focusing on my work for the deadline.
just playing with the words. certain - uncertain.
also recognising that I am extremely privileged to not struggle for housing/money/work right now.
now that the lockdown is really happening, the overwhelming ‘uncertainty’ of everything, especially in timeline of near future events, is crashing down on us all at once. I’ve never experienced a pandemic like this, only disasters like earthquakes, and being a fictional adult is really putting things into perspective. I think about the certain uncertainty of our ‘routine’ for uni and whatnot getting thrown off - and how scary that is - but it made me realise even more that - having that routine in the first place is the biggest privilege, to have that stable thing in your life. I’m lucky to have a roof over my head right now. I’m thankful for everything, and it is scary, but we’ll all just have to take things one at a time because that’s all we can do. I’m really trying not to panic or have an anxiety attack thinking about visas and MAs and when I can fly back home and fly back here to find a flat and move my many boxes of stuff and paintings. I wish I was a more functional adult. a lot of my friends who are international students are flying back, some even told me to but that notion has never crossed my mind. I have too much to finish here. I can’t go home. what would I do there anyway. it’s just going to make things messier and the uncertainty of not knowing when I can come back and deal with my stuff and degree and applications makes me feel so much anxiety. but that’s uncertainty for you. you can’t do anything but focus on right now. So right now I’m doing the best I can taking a day at a time. focusing on my work for the deadline.