from the timeline of last night to this morning to noon I had eight strange distressing dreams in a row, waking up between some, and writing them down before falling back to sleep (because I was so tired, not really feeling like I rested for those sleeps) my head is so full now after waking up. I think I've been on edge waiting for my RCA application to come out (they said from the 27th) but also with my general anxious mindset right now, my brain is on fire rumbling away in my sleep. anyway, here's a recollection of each:
1) in the heat of the summer / in a globe-like structure (not unlike the nagoya city science museum I went to last summer) I was with a group of high school friends, we were having fun and looking out this structure, which had large glass walls to look out of, the sun as glaring, it was almost like a greenhouse we were looking out of, but we were pretty high up, outside, the ocean, the sand was a really unnaturally bright orange, the waves extremely blue. the waves crashing but falling gently, there were poles near our structure that stood up from the water, and there were people on some of the poles, just standing, looking out as we are. I wondered how they got there and what we are looking at. I guess we are all looking at the same ocean. the sun was glaring but it wasn't hot.
2) indoors, with sand on the floor, but this time cold and gathered sand (not unlike this one installation I saw at the taipei fine art museum that one time) / I was with some people, maybe my mum, but these strange creatures kept coming and attacking and it was the fear of getting chased and attacked, in particular I remember a crab thing with his pincers, and more vividly, a small land alligator biting my arm with all its force, and I could feel every single one of its teeth, they were tiny (not unlike the teeth I just drew in my drawing the last post), they came at different times but I remember them moving at their fastest physical speed at us. the sand blasting from their feet.
3) taking an unusually long shower with music on (which I never do), there was large glass windows in the shower room that looked over the city, I finished the shower and went out and the atmosphere in the house was tense, I think my mum was being stern with my sister, and I think she may have yelled at her before I got there. there was sandwiches in the oven, there was a ketchup-y sauce in them. they were almost overdone. the story, from what I understood from dialogue, was that my sister insisted on not going to acting(?) camp the next day, and my mum gave up, and my sister cheekily said can I give up acting all together, and my mum was crying. I look down and there was a school brochure that had my sister on the cover quoted 'I was born to act.' I check back on the oven and now there were new sandwiches, barely toasted, but folded over in the same fashion as those other ones - like how you'd prepare a kids lunch in their lunchbox. (I think this dream stems from my mum's worry that my sister doesn't know what she wants to do/strengths are/and is not excelling at academics at all/not sticking/persevering through one hobby either that can turn into something with potential. I guess I always knew what I wanted to do from the start and was good at it, she said, when I was younger, in did fine in academics too, so she's concerned for her in comparison)
4) in a foreign apartment building - it was luxurious - perhaps it was some sort of hotel suite, but it had glass windows that stretched the entire wide of the wall (though not the height - sort of cinematic view, but much longer, across the whole room, which was long) (the overhead view reminds me of this one shot of the mario game I was looking at, the new one where he passes these buildings onh the roof) (but the visuals arent like that, just the feeling) and I was playing with the controls, cause I knew with this technology I could adjust the window view, and I pressed the button only realising after a second, that the view I want is right there, but it started to spin, physically, the entire floor of the apartment, and I am whizzing past these views, and when I finally manage to press the button again to stop, by that time it had gained so much momentum that it went into a extremely big halt like the aftershock of an earthquake. that feeling is so specific, (not unlike the dread of immediate death like in that nightmare volcano dream), like I knew I was going to die, and I have no control now (like an earthquake, the very floor is unstable), and in that time of spinning I was thinking oh god my mum who is downstairs, she must be feeling sick and dizzy right now, shes going to yell at me later) anyway, so it grinds to a halt, the spin, and it topples over like I dreaded, and I went from looking out this long window (it was so sunny and nice greenery scattered, maybe somewhere in Europe, same feeling I looked out in lisbon), to toppling sideways like the floor, falling with the debris, and the broken up parts of the apartment (which was a light beige/cream colour) fell sideways towards me too (I was falling first, to the left of the original view I had, but now facing the center of the now broken building) I was falling, and I was thinking, surely this must be a dream, please.. and then I see the beige debris, big big broken parts, fall towards my face along with this figure which I assume was my mother, though her presence felt more like a game NPC, emotionless like a doll, and they smash into my view and I wake up.
5) sometimes I remember dreams in reverse order in regards to the other dreams because they were so distressing/they suddenly come back to me, but this dream happened before the previous dream I'm assuming; my family had to give my cat away, because my neighbor or someone on our floor basically wanted to put us down, maybe after an argument with my mum or something, but I didn't realise immediately. I got home, maybe from a long trip, my sister and my mum were showing me these new bunnies and a small capybara, the pets.. and it dawned on me slowly.. wait,, these are not our old pets.. where's the cat.. and they were both really sad and said the cat had to go and I got really sad and I think I cried a little bit... i didn't realise how much he meant to me and how much of a family member he became, he was a strong pillar in our family. a constant sense of comfort. so fluffy and stable and sleeping. anyway, they already gave up getting him back and I said we must try again, who cares, and I think I contacted the pet person and she texted me back in these foreign letters that resembled mandarin characters, like a poem (you are not able to read text in dreams, that's one of the indications that you are in a dream which can contributing to the realisation of the dream, and swiftly gain control in lucid dreaming) and the meaning was it's too late, you cannot get him back, (probably that neighbor is not allowing them let go.) just shows that no matter how hard you try you cannot achieve something sometimes. (I think this dream stems from the uncertainty of where my cat is going to go because my mum keeps thinking of moving to where my sister is boarding, in NZ) but what was really raw about this dream was the pain of him not being there, I didn't know I was so attached to him/loved him so much even though I'm not with him this whole time in the UK, I only spend time with him in the summer when I went back for two summers)
6) before that dream we were ushered into this cube shaped room (very much like in the film cube) with reflective walls sort of silvery, but couldn't really tell because it was so dark in there, the people who put the two of us in here set us up as a challenge to get out of there but it wasn't playful, it was hostile intentions. they were probably taunting us from the outside, maybe we can hear echoes of their voices, like they wanted to trap us in there. after a while of wondering in the near dark I realised that one side was just a blind and I used my hands and feet to kick and lift up those blinds from the middle, bending them into an opening to get outside into the light, and there was another room and a door, and we went out and somebody came and said you can sue them you know.
7) this one is a very direct reflection of my stress of receiving application - in this dream they announced something like you will get notified slowly from this day but we will reveal the four that are definitely accepted, and I look on the shelf and there were these folders with names on them - one of them had my name on it - written in a foreign handwriting that's lanky and long, and its a pink folder, and I open it and there was some of my work that I don't recognise, looked like a physical research journal, but what's weird is that I see that they've gone through it thoroughly, but the way I know is that they left evidence of their presence in the form of these little paper figure cutouts, playfully climbing, dancing, hanging off edges of pages, in between the plastic pockets, not unlike what you see in keith haring's work. they figures were a bright orange but not neon, more yellow than red orange.
8) the final one it's hard to articulate because things didn't really happen in sequence but it was a setting.. I'll just insert here my original record right after I woke up that doesn't really make sense: very high up office building with decorations that aren’t ours, having a meeting for a children’s festival, cheese day but we have rice and a little barbie doll though she might be knitted anyway my mum and supposedly the husband who has excelled at school and job and is stern and successful he is like iron or metal , and my sis was there and they sort of get into this argument i don't know my sis was being cheeky and my mum was worried she can’t do well in school she said get into a college like him, everyone who graduates from there has a strong head successful and my sis being cheeky again, with hand motions said, so do people go in there successful already has there ever been cases like that (pretending she cares) and my mum answers honestly, like ooh actually yes,, anyway a random assortment of things in this very polished yet strangely coloured office building there were slashes of pale yellow and pink and just pale colours over modern black? design. You can feel the office big windows and very angular everything the tables the chairs. oh there was also maybe two other staff in the room too but seems like they were just amused from the heated conversation when it should just be family. I was taking photos of the ceo and my mum when they were in different office rooms walking cos it looked like a good photograph wrong time but u have to capture it. very strange palette like something out of illustration . I think the husband /ceo held the doll at one point looking down at it while smoking. he was in a brightly lit office yet he was in the shadows and very angular perhaps a pinstripe suit.
I'm going to leave these records here, if I ever want to use them I will refer back. maybe I'll sketch some of these...
1) in the heat of the summer / in a globe-like structure (not unlike the nagoya city science museum I went to last summer) I was with a group of high school friends, we were having fun and looking out this structure, which had large glass walls to look out of, the sun as glaring, it was almost like a greenhouse we were looking out of, but we were pretty high up, outside, the ocean, the sand was a really unnaturally bright orange, the waves extremely blue. the waves crashing but falling gently, there were poles near our structure that stood up from the water, and there were people on some of the poles, just standing, looking out as we are. I wondered how they got there and what we are looking at. I guess we are all looking at the same ocean. the sun was glaring but it wasn't hot.
2) indoors, with sand on the floor, but this time cold and gathered sand (not unlike this one installation I saw at the taipei fine art museum that one time) / I was with some people, maybe my mum, but these strange creatures kept coming and attacking and it was the fear of getting chased and attacked, in particular I remember a crab thing with his pincers, and more vividly, a small land alligator biting my arm with all its force, and I could feel every single one of its teeth, they were tiny (not unlike the teeth I just drew in my drawing the last post), they came at different times but I remember them moving at their fastest physical speed at us. the sand blasting from their feet.
3) taking an unusually long shower with music on (which I never do), there was large glass windows in the shower room that looked over the city, I finished the shower and went out and the atmosphere in the house was tense, I think my mum was being stern with my sister, and I think she may have yelled at her before I got there. there was sandwiches in the oven, there was a ketchup-y sauce in them. they were almost overdone. the story, from what I understood from dialogue, was that my sister insisted on not going to acting(?) camp the next day, and my mum gave up, and my sister cheekily said can I give up acting all together, and my mum was crying. I look down and there was a school brochure that had my sister on the cover quoted 'I was born to act.' I check back on the oven and now there were new sandwiches, barely toasted, but folded over in the same fashion as those other ones - like how you'd prepare a kids lunch in their lunchbox. (I think this dream stems from my mum's worry that my sister doesn't know what she wants to do/strengths are/and is not excelling at academics at all/not sticking/persevering through one hobby either that can turn into something with potential. I guess I always knew what I wanted to do from the start and was good at it, she said, when I was younger, in did fine in academics too, so she's concerned for her in comparison)
4) in a foreign apartment building - it was luxurious - perhaps it was some sort of hotel suite, but it had glass windows that stretched the entire wide of the wall (though not the height - sort of cinematic view, but much longer, across the whole room, which was long) (the overhead view reminds me of this one shot of the mario game I was looking at, the new one where he passes these buildings onh the roof) (but the visuals arent like that, just the feeling) and I was playing with the controls, cause I knew with this technology I could adjust the window view, and I pressed the button only realising after a second, that the view I want is right there, but it started to spin, physically, the entire floor of the apartment, and I am whizzing past these views, and when I finally manage to press the button again to stop, by that time it had gained so much momentum that it went into a extremely big halt like the aftershock of an earthquake. that feeling is so specific, (not unlike the dread of immediate death like in that nightmare volcano dream), like I knew I was going to die, and I have no control now (like an earthquake, the very floor is unstable), and in that time of spinning I was thinking oh god my mum who is downstairs, she must be feeling sick and dizzy right now, shes going to yell at me later) anyway, so it grinds to a halt, the spin, and it topples over like I dreaded, and I went from looking out this long window (it was so sunny and nice greenery scattered, maybe somewhere in Europe, same feeling I looked out in lisbon), to toppling sideways like the floor, falling with the debris, and the broken up parts of the apartment (which was a light beige/cream colour) fell sideways towards me too (I was falling first, to the left of the original view I had, but now facing the center of the now broken building) I was falling, and I was thinking, surely this must be a dream, please.. and then I see the beige debris, big big broken parts, fall towards my face along with this figure which I assume was my mother, though her presence felt more like a game NPC, emotionless like a doll, and they smash into my view and I wake up.
5) sometimes I remember dreams in reverse order in regards to the other dreams because they were so distressing/they suddenly come back to me, but this dream happened before the previous dream I'm assuming; my family had to give my cat away, because my neighbor or someone on our floor basically wanted to put us down, maybe after an argument with my mum or something, but I didn't realise immediately. I got home, maybe from a long trip, my sister and my mum were showing me these new bunnies and a small capybara, the pets.. and it dawned on me slowly.. wait,, these are not our old pets.. where's the cat.. and they were both really sad and said the cat had to go and I got really sad and I think I cried a little bit... i didn't realise how much he meant to me and how much of a family member he became, he was a strong pillar in our family. a constant sense of comfort. so fluffy and stable and sleeping. anyway, they already gave up getting him back and I said we must try again, who cares, and I think I contacted the pet person and she texted me back in these foreign letters that resembled mandarin characters, like a poem (you are not able to read text in dreams, that's one of the indications that you are in a dream which can contributing to the realisation of the dream, and swiftly gain control in lucid dreaming) and the meaning was it's too late, you cannot get him back, (probably that neighbor is not allowing them let go.) just shows that no matter how hard you try you cannot achieve something sometimes. (I think this dream stems from the uncertainty of where my cat is going to go because my mum keeps thinking of moving to where my sister is boarding, in NZ) but what was really raw about this dream was the pain of him not being there, I didn't know I was so attached to him/loved him so much even though I'm not with him this whole time in the UK, I only spend time with him in the summer when I went back for two summers)
6) before that dream we were ushered into this cube shaped room (very much like in the film cube) with reflective walls sort of silvery, but couldn't really tell because it was so dark in there, the people who put the two of us in here set us up as a challenge to get out of there but it wasn't playful, it was hostile intentions. they were probably taunting us from the outside, maybe we can hear echoes of their voices, like they wanted to trap us in there. after a while of wondering in the near dark I realised that one side was just a blind and I used my hands and feet to kick and lift up those blinds from the middle, bending them into an opening to get outside into the light, and there was another room and a door, and we went out and somebody came and said you can sue them you know.
7) this one is a very direct reflection of my stress of receiving application - in this dream they announced something like you will get notified slowly from this day but we will reveal the four that are definitely accepted, and I look on the shelf and there were these folders with names on them - one of them had my name on it - written in a foreign handwriting that's lanky and long, and its a pink folder, and I open it and there was some of my work that I don't recognise, looked like a physical research journal, but what's weird is that I see that they've gone through it thoroughly, but the way I know is that they left evidence of their presence in the form of these little paper figure cutouts, playfully climbing, dancing, hanging off edges of pages, in between the plastic pockets, not unlike what you see in keith haring's work. they figures were a bright orange but not neon, more yellow than red orange.
8) the final one it's hard to articulate because things didn't really happen in sequence but it was a setting.. I'll just insert here my original record right after I woke up that doesn't really make sense: very high up office building with decorations that aren’t ours, having a meeting for a children’s festival, cheese day but we have rice and a little barbie doll though she might be knitted anyway my mum and supposedly the husband who has excelled at school and job and is stern and successful he is like iron or metal , and my sis was there and they sort of get into this argument i don't know my sis was being cheeky and my mum was worried she can’t do well in school she said get into a college like him, everyone who graduates from there has a strong head successful and my sis being cheeky again, with hand motions said, so do people go in there successful already has there ever been cases like that (pretending she cares) and my mum answers honestly, like ooh actually yes,, anyway a random assortment of things in this very polished yet strangely coloured office building there were slashes of pale yellow and pink and just pale colours over modern black? design. You can feel the office big windows and very angular everything the tables the chairs. oh there was also maybe two other staff in the room too but seems like they were just amused from the heated conversation when it should just be family. I was taking photos of the ceo and my mum when they were in different office rooms walking cos it looked like a good photograph wrong time but u have to capture it. very strange palette like something out of illustration . I think the husband /ceo held the doll at one point looking down at it while smoking. he was in a brightly lit office yet he was in the shadows and very angular perhaps a pinstripe suit.
I'm going to leave these records here, if I ever want to use them I will refer back. maybe I'll sketch some of these...