I feel there is a need to update things that are going on in my head right now, during the sort-of-end to the summer. I don't have much of a grasp on time, so the end of august feels like the end of september which is when I'll have to end things at home and throw myself into the chaos of settling into a new house, and the final academic year. The lack of security in finding a house less than a month from when I have to move in to the UK always gives me a lot of anxiety. Not to mention the lack of security in finding some sort of income after graduation, etc etc. that has always felt like a distant tug at the back of the mind these past two years but now, NOW, it is real. It is like we are going to war against society or something. and I don't feel that I've trained enough, but I don't think it is possible to ever be one hundred percent prepared for life anyway.
Mainly, I wanted to outline what I'm thinking for the 1) MCP essay (changed direction), 2) the british museum project that I may or may not be participating in (due to the fact that I am unable to attend the lectures required for writing up a proposal and the very tight deadline at the start of sept) and 3) the sudden opportunity at taipei's grand hotel (where I get to paint freely in their artist room) that I am extremely grateful for.
1) MCP
before going away in the summer, my proposal for the essay was one of uncertainty and chaos. I recognized my difficulty in narrowing down to a specific subject. I had problems picking a big subject, never mind a focused topic! in the end I wrote down 'nostalgia in pop surrealism' or something... I was very confused, was reading things on the miniature and artist collections and kitsch objects and collective nostalgia (which I wasn't as interested in), and I couldn't narrow things down, everything felt connected. Even now, everything still connects to those original ideas.
In my torment of reading and reading different books and articles I stumbled across the idea of 'animals in art' again. I read a few books on this and enjoyed it immensely. It wasn't until I came across the term 'diorama', especially the type that are found in natural history museums, that really grabbed me by the throat and said, this is it. I still don't know what angle or specific question I am asking in this realm of ideas... I suppose the question I have now personally is why I am and have always been so drawn to nature dioramas and taxidermy. There are a lot of taxidermy artists out there, and they all have different reasons to use the medium the way they do. Why am I attracted to this? why am I scared to death of it? When I read what taxidermy photographer diane fox wrote on her website, it was like she was taking the exact words from my mind:
'It is this dichotomy between the real and the unreal, the version of life portrayed and the actuality of death, the inherent beauty of the animals within their fabricated environment and the understanding of its invention, which finds me both attracted and repelled.'
and I almost wanted to cry because this is exactly how I felt about this whole thing and she could not have worded it better. I still didn't know how I would structure in my essay, however. There are many ideas that connect to the centre of taxidermy/dioramas. The Uncanny(Art and Psychology)? Animals in Art (ethics, ontology)? The global importance of recognizing the declining animal population? The diorama itself, existing as a time machine, both practical and artistic? The different artworks that involves a form of diorama? (there was a major exhibition at the palais de tokyo)? Or should I connect this to the ideas of the miniature/gigantic/memory/nostalgia? Everything seems really confusing because every line between each of these concepts feels blurred. I envy people who see clear distinctions between ideas and can easily figure out the logic of a network of ideas. I feel like I am stumbling through fog with sparks of inspiration from time to time. but how to connect those sparks together to light up this whole place?
2) british museum raphael proposal
I was delighted that sarah emailed us about another opportunity at the british museum, and I really wanted to participate even though I wasn't as familiar with Raphael's drawings. It was a real challenge I could feel it. sarah specifically noted that this project is to see what new and fresh perspectives could be found when looking at at the particular drawing in their collection so, i feel there really is no right or wrong here. Unfortunately, since I couldn't attend the lectures for the project, I would be at a disadvantage with the lack of previous discussions etc. sarah said she would email us information on those missed dates though. I am just scared that there is not enough time to develop enough content as the deadline is so close. I am hoping for the best and I will try my hardest with what I have. So far, with only the brief, I refreshed my memory by looking at Raphael's works in general.
3) grand hotel opportunity
this opportunity came very suddenly for the last month I have here in taipei, it includes working on paintings in their artist studio, perhaps related to the hotel itself. the grand hotel is probably the most well-known in taipei which means it's full of history, and I feel the need to research upon that for this project. I'm not sure if this counts as an artist in residence thing but it feels like it. I will have to gather materials and research in preparation for this now. I am very anxious about it but am also very grateful, I will NOT let this opportunity go to waste. I will try my best even when it fills me with incredible anxiety.
Apart from these things, major horrific events that took place recently really hit me in the head and made me see the world for how it is. The hong kong hellfire, sudan, yemen, countless tragedies... it is hard to breathe in this stench of death. I let a messy dialogue run in my instagram caption (which I haven't touched for weeks because it felt WRONG to post light hearted things when so many horrible tragedies are occurring):
what are you grateful for in life? every meal, every opportunity, every moment with friends and family...it’s so easy to gloss over these things. I will not take anything for granted !!!! but to value life is to also look at death in the eye.
‘Death exists, not as the opposite but as a part of life,’ (Norwegian Wood, Murakami) today, and every other day before it, unnatural death seems to engulf the world in cruel, horrific, inhumane acts, piled endlessly on top of one another, and to turn a blind eye from it, that’s almost as cruel as the act itself... I’m not saying we should all directly fight back these forces and win back humanity in one go (though I wish that was possible) but to really see the contaminated world for what it is, because it is all going to dust soon and we should at least save some compassion for the poor planet that gave us the things to be grateful for in the first place. I read somewhere that if you love, you are alive. To not love, a gift given to humanity, is to die inhumane even if you are alive and breathing. To quote Murakami again, ‘In the midst of life, everything revolved around death,’ Anyway, I hope we can stay sane and hopeful, helping in any way we can while being engulfed in this stench of death. 〰️
^^^^ i don't even know if that makes actual sense, but I posted it anyway... feeling grateful, hopeless, and hopeful at the same time...
I've always felt I've got quite a pessimistic viewpoint in the world destroying itself, it is inevitable, and it cannot be stopped, so why try? but I'm realising that, after seeing some others' perspectives, that is all the more reason to fight for something that resembles hope. I keep thinking about pandora and her box (perhaps that could be a starting point for some paintings) bc it's seeming more and more realistic as the world ages. It really seems like we're being engulfed by unspecified evils. 'From this story has grown the idiom "to open (a) Pandora's box", meaning to do or start something that will cause many unforeseen problems.' but yes, this is an idea for another time.
Mainly, I wanted to outline what I'm thinking for the 1) MCP essay (changed direction), 2) the british museum project that I may or may not be participating in (due to the fact that I am unable to attend the lectures required for writing up a proposal and the very tight deadline at the start of sept) and 3) the sudden opportunity at taipei's grand hotel (where I get to paint freely in their artist room) that I am extremely grateful for.
1) MCP
before going away in the summer, my proposal for the essay was one of uncertainty and chaos. I recognized my difficulty in narrowing down to a specific subject. I had problems picking a big subject, never mind a focused topic! in the end I wrote down 'nostalgia in pop surrealism' or something... I was very confused, was reading things on the miniature and artist collections and kitsch objects and collective nostalgia (which I wasn't as interested in), and I couldn't narrow things down, everything felt connected. Even now, everything still connects to those original ideas.
In my torment of reading and reading different books and articles I stumbled across the idea of 'animals in art' again. I read a few books on this and enjoyed it immensely. It wasn't until I came across the term 'diorama', especially the type that are found in natural history museums, that really grabbed me by the throat and said, this is it. I still don't know what angle or specific question I am asking in this realm of ideas... I suppose the question I have now personally is why I am and have always been so drawn to nature dioramas and taxidermy. There are a lot of taxidermy artists out there, and they all have different reasons to use the medium the way they do. Why am I attracted to this? why am I scared to death of it? When I read what taxidermy photographer diane fox wrote on her website, it was like she was taking the exact words from my mind:
'It is this dichotomy between the real and the unreal, the version of life portrayed and the actuality of death, the inherent beauty of the animals within their fabricated environment and the understanding of its invention, which finds me both attracted and repelled.'
and I almost wanted to cry because this is exactly how I felt about this whole thing and she could not have worded it better. I still didn't know how I would structure in my essay, however. There are many ideas that connect to the centre of taxidermy/dioramas. The Uncanny(Art and Psychology)? Animals in Art (ethics, ontology)? The global importance of recognizing the declining animal population? The diorama itself, existing as a time machine, both practical and artistic? The different artworks that involves a form of diorama? (there was a major exhibition at the palais de tokyo)? Or should I connect this to the ideas of the miniature/gigantic/memory/nostalgia? Everything seems really confusing because every line between each of these concepts feels blurred. I envy people who see clear distinctions between ideas and can easily figure out the logic of a network of ideas. I feel like I am stumbling through fog with sparks of inspiration from time to time. but how to connect those sparks together to light up this whole place?
2) british museum raphael proposal
I was delighted that sarah emailed us about another opportunity at the british museum, and I really wanted to participate even though I wasn't as familiar with Raphael's drawings. It was a real challenge I could feel it. sarah specifically noted that this project is to see what new and fresh perspectives could be found when looking at at the particular drawing in their collection so, i feel there really is no right or wrong here. Unfortunately, since I couldn't attend the lectures for the project, I would be at a disadvantage with the lack of previous discussions etc. sarah said she would email us information on those missed dates though. I am just scared that there is not enough time to develop enough content as the deadline is so close. I am hoping for the best and I will try my hardest with what I have. So far, with only the brief, I refreshed my memory by looking at Raphael's works in general.
3) grand hotel opportunity
this opportunity came very suddenly for the last month I have here in taipei, it includes working on paintings in their artist studio, perhaps related to the hotel itself. the grand hotel is probably the most well-known in taipei which means it's full of history, and I feel the need to research upon that for this project. I'm not sure if this counts as an artist in residence thing but it feels like it. I will have to gather materials and research in preparation for this now. I am very anxious about it but am also very grateful, I will NOT let this opportunity go to waste. I will try my best even when it fills me with incredible anxiety.
Apart from these things, major horrific events that took place recently really hit me in the head and made me see the world for how it is. The hong kong hellfire, sudan, yemen, countless tragedies... it is hard to breathe in this stench of death. I let a messy dialogue run in my instagram caption (which I haven't touched for weeks because it felt WRONG to post light hearted things when so many horrible tragedies are occurring):
what are you grateful for in life? every meal, every opportunity, every moment with friends and family...it’s so easy to gloss over these things. I will not take anything for granted !!!! but to value life is to also look at death in the eye.
‘Death exists, not as the opposite but as a part of life,’ (Norwegian Wood, Murakami) today, and every other day before it, unnatural death seems to engulf the world in cruel, horrific, inhumane acts, piled endlessly on top of one another, and to turn a blind eye from it, that’s almost as cruel as the act itself... I’m not saying we should all directly fight back these forces and win back humanity in one go (though I wish that was possible) but to really see the contaminated world for what it is, because it is all going to dust soon and we should at least save some compassion for the poor planet that gave us the things to be grateful for in the first place. I read somewhere that if you love, you are alive. To not love, a gift given to humanity, is to die inhumane even if you are alive and breathing. To quote Murakami again, ‘In the midst of life, everything revolved around death,’ Anyway, I hope we can stay sane and hopeful, helping in any way we can while being engulfed in this stench of death. 〰️
^^^^ i don't even know if that makes actual sense, but I posted it anyway... feeling grateful, hopeless, and hopeful at the same time...
I've always felt I've got quite a pessimistic viewpoint in the world destroying itself, it is inevitable, and it cannot be stopped, so why try? but I'm realising that, after seeing some others' perspectives, that is all the more reason to fight for something that resembles hope. I keep thinking about pandora and her box (perhaps that could be a starting point for some paintings) bc it's seeming more and more realistic as the world ages. It really seems like we're being engulfed by unspecified evils. 'From this story has grown the idiom "to open (a) Pandora's box", meaning to do or start something that will cause many unforeseen problems.' but yes, this is an idea for another time.