At first glance, the two paintings may not seem to have a strong connection. When I painted them, I certainly wasn’t painting them in the notion of them becoming a series. However, after Tom asked me if the edge of the bed sort of connecting to the edge of the railing across the two panels, I began to see that maybe they are connected not just physically (unconsciously? accidentally? I did not realize this before he mentioned it) but conceptually as well.
‘are you amused?’ was very much born from my current life and mindset here right in the middle of my university years here in London. Away from home, I am experiencing small travels from london when I have already travelled so far from home. At which point do I travel too far? Will I be able to go back home? The imagery of the figure, in a coat I have worn and a bag I have used everyday this year, looking back at me AS me but also NOT as me is a trip in itself, but this is only true to myself. The expression of the cheeky cat, is it terrifying or being terrified? Is it both or neither? Is it laughing or being laughed at? Is it happy or is it sad?
The ambiguity of emotion is perhaps present in ‘UNTIL I FALL ASLEEP, FOREVER’ as well. I wonder what the viewer sees in her eyes. To me, there is something timelessly sad, but nevertheless alive. Translating a photograph into a painting is a transformative process even if most elements are similar…from the first brushstroke the psyche of the artist is poured into the depiction. Am I painting my depiction of her? Or am I subconsciously letting my identity merge with hers? Could it be both? I certainly feel that way. I believe it is inevitable that everything you are feeling at that moment, about the past, about the person, about the image itself will be incorporated into the piece. It is as much a part of you as you are a part of it.
If the cat painting is something to do with discovering my way in life at this moment so distanced from home then, the sister painting is very much centered on that very thing…home. I feel that I really pulled myself back home in this way, in such a direct rendering of my family I am confronted with my emotions about it all. Lately, I am slowly realising that I do indeed miss home a lot, which is something I don’t usually admit. By painting this I feel I am revealing a part of me that even I hide from myself. It is eye-opening, to open a doorway you did not realize you were ready to open. I hope this door will be the one to lead me home.
The contrast between the capitalization of ‘UNTIL I FALL ASLEEP, FOREVER’ and the lack of in ‘are you amused?’ is reflected in the paintings themselves. The way I see it, the cat painting seems to be loud on its own without making a sound. The sister painting feels quiet, still. The decision to capitalize the letters on this title was not without purpose. I am drawn to contrasts and conflicts in wordplay and relationships - I like the way the ‘loud’ cat is asking a rhetorical question quietly and the ‘quiet’ child figure is supposedly shouting the ambiguous phrase. I hope more layers of contrast and tension can be discovered between the two works.
‘are you amused?’ was very much born from my current life and mindset here right in the middle of my university years here in London. Away from home, I am experiencing small travels from london when I have already travelled so far from home. At which point do I travel too far? Will I be able to go back home? The imagery of the figure, in a coat I have worn and a bag I have used everyday this year, looking back at me AS me but also NOT as me is a trip in itself, but this is only true to myself. The expression of the cheeky cat, is it terrifying or being terrified? Is it both or neither? Is it laughing or being laughed at? Is it happy or is it sad?
The ambiguity of emotion is perhaps present in ‘UNTIL I FALL ASLEEP, FOREVER’ as well. I wonder what the viewer sees in her eyes. To me, there is something timelessly sad, but nevertheless alive. Translating a photograph into a painting is a transformative process even if most elements are similar…from the first brushstroke the psyche of the artist is poured into the depiction. Am I painting my depiction of her? Or am I subconsciously letting my identity merge with hers? Could it be both? I certainly feel that way. I believe it is inevitable that everything you are feeling at that moment, about the past, about the person, about the image itself will be incorporated into the piece. It is as much a part of you as you are a part of it.
If the cat painting is something to do with discovering my way in life at this moment so distanced from home then, the sister painting is very much centered on that very thing…home. I feel that I really pulled myself back home in this way, in such a direct rendering of my family I am confronted with my emotions about it all. Lately, I am slowly realising that I do indeed miss home a lot, which is something I don’t usually admit. By painting this I feel I am revealing a part of me that even I hide from myself. It is eye-opening, to open a doorway you did not realize you were ready to open. I hope this door will be the one to lead me home.
The contrast between the capitalization of ‘UNTIL I FALL ASLEEP, FOREVER’ and the lack of in ‘are you amused?’ is reflected in the paintings themselves. The way I see it, the cat painting seems to be loud on its own without making a sound. The sister painting feels quiet, still. The decision to capitalize the letters on this title was not without purpose. I am drawn to contrasts and conflicts in wordplay and relationships - I like the way the ‘loud’ cat is asking a rhetorical question quietly and the ‘quiet’ child figure is supposedly shouting the ambiguous phrase. I hope more layers of contrast and tension can be discovered between the two works.