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| I painted the first layer of the island.mountains with a thick layer of acrylic which is out of my comfort zone. usually I am very unsure and would go in with a very thin and watery layer first which I did for the rest of this painting. but as I proceeded to cover the panel's surface, it seemed so incredibly chaotic with all the brushstrokes and lines I was creating within each colour block, I wanted to balance it out with some more solid colour, unexpectedly dark as well. |
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| the sky started bleeding when I wasn't looking, but I just emphasised them instead of wiping them away because I think letting the paint do its work is part of the journey in completing a painting. I missed how uncontrollable ink and water is. |
This was after my second session on this painting - I realised I cannot continuously paint for more than 4 hours at a time - after that I get all dazed and my mind gets all fuzzy. I guess it does take a lot of mental energy, painting. Anyway, I was scared about the colours in this scene, I planned what colours I would use by colouring different parts digitally and seeing what it looks like... it takes a few seconds and its all blobs of colour but it does help me a lot.
After the tutorial with Tom I had more thoughts running through my head about the meaning, thoughts behind this work and what I felt for the film. For example, I was always thinking of the past, traumas experienced in my previous paintings, and to be honest I'm quite sick of it. I feel like if my paintings had a voice it would just be me constantly complaining about pain and death and blah blah blah. I wanted to look at the present and the future, which I realised this film gave me. Throughout the film the pair talk about the uncertainty of their future and having a 'god' etc... and perhaps I need to watch it more times to understand their conversations more, but from the first two viewings of this film I'm getting the sense that Koh does believe in gods existing, but not for him. At the end, I think it is implied that Koh will always watch over Natsume and act as her 'god'. Maybe I'm imagining that. But I think they really found someone special in their lives to watch over them. Whether it be each other, or the god above. That's why I was thinking maybe I could name this painting something like: DON'T WORRY, GOD EXISTS FOR YOU AND ME. or something to do with swimming/floating/drowning, as this scene was the moment right before she pushes him into the water, which was monumental because this was one of the first times she was being dominant over him, she was finally letting out her frustrations and the emotional buildup from the sexual assault by the man Koh couldn't stop. Previously, it was always Koh who was pushing her into the water as well. This time, he was motionless in the water, looking like he didn't care if he drowned right then and there. Natsume had to drag him back up again. It was like he was a completely different person after that night of the sexual assault, being caught up with delinquents etc. Later we see that it was probably because he felt extremely guilty (that he couldn't protect her) that he was avoiding her and talking about that night. Anyway, I was also thinking of maybe putting the japanese word for 'drown' which is the same in mandarin, in the painting somewhere but I'm not sure. I told tom that alex said that text could be problematic in paintings, and he said that depends on each painting, of course. I'll have to see if it needs it. Tom said it does bend the way people read your painting.
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| the dialogue seems really vague at times, but it adds to the ambiguity of the film. |
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| Koh falls deep into the water, motionless |
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| Koh laughs and says he's in pain, which probably could mean the guilt he is feeling.. |
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| another vague, sudden statement, perhaps referring to their 'competition' and her modeling career |
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| Koh rejects her. |
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| shouting and stomping like a child during a tantrum even though she's just dealt with such adult things |
Also, I am glad he brought up Peter Doig, because I haven't looked at his work for a while and forgotten how much I love his work. A lot of his paintings either feel cinematic or dream-like, but also with a lot of human emotion. I feel that this is the direction my painting here is going for. He is also very clever with the colour choices, and also works with a range of mediums. I can see doig being a major inspiration for me right now.
