https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2018/04/16/the-silence-the-legacy-of-childhood-trauma
I just read this article by Junot Díaz, who was a victim of sexual assault. Very serious trauma, saddening to see how it affected his whole life. I just ordered his debut book Drown.
notable quotes from the article:
“The kid before—hard to remember. Trauma is a time traveller, an ouroboros that reaches back and devours everything that came before. Only fragments remain. ““During that time I wrote very little. Mostly I underlined passages in my favorite books. This line in particular I circled at least a dozen times: “Then darkness took me, and I strayed out of thought and time, and I wandered far on roads that I will not tell.”
“Toni Morrison wrote, “Anything dead coming back to life hurts.”
I am always very interested in hearing stories of trauma and how it affects a person's life. It really is evidence on how fragile we are as human beings - but we also see how our brain, sometimes in more effective ways than others, try to protect us from ourselves. It is all a vicious cycle - Person A hurts Person B, Person B inevitably hurts themselves and others. That trauma will always be a central part of themselves. The core that is hidden tightly away, coming back from time to time to haunt you. I suppose a lot of my work so far has to do with trauma. Back in foundation year when I was in interviews with the UAL tutors over at Chelsea, he asked me what I think my work is about. I said I wasn't sure quite yet. He said, I think your work is about trauma. And I felt like that moment cleared my vision, because it was so true at that time. Even though I've only experienced one major trauma in my life, and many people have it so much worse, I felt a huge emotional surge every time I think about those experiences. And I'm sure everyone can relate on those feelings of trauma. This world is filled with cruelty and suffering. We are doomed to take it on. The only thing we can do is grin and bear it. And make paintings, for myself, I suppose. Even though my subject every time differs, I realise there is always something unsettling about the way I paint. Tutors have told me this as well. Every time I try to paint something serene and just, pretty, I end up with something disturbing. But I don't mind that. I feel I am just painting the truth.