A few days ago, I accidentally drifted to the railroads with some friends. It was a place so close to the university, yet so different in atmosphere. It was that peculiar time where the depressing grey gave out the last of its light, rapidly, too rapidly, transitioning into Nighttime. Then it was Dark. Over the excited babbles of my friends' layered the violent swish of the trains, the sudden winds of its movement swept my hair, up to their roots, like a relentless bully. I looked out past the metal fence catching the last of the train's auburn body, drenched in its shadow and felt a certain sadness that I couldn't quite explain. It wasn't exactly an unfamiliar feeling, I've felt it before, in different occasions, usually in an urban setting. Could I call it lament? for the Unknown... But somehow, this time it was different. Was it because of the haunting echo the train left as it flew past without a second thought? Was it the overlapping and daunting shadows, the mass of them, threatening to swallow all that's around me? In the everlasting darkness, even with people with me, I've never felt so alone. I gasped as the dead silence is sliced through by the rushed train body yet again, as if it knew it would get me every time. I sighed in fear as the blocked, polished buildings towered over me, never changing in stance as I stepped my way past them. They were lit up from the inside, plastic yellow lights glowing their way through the restricted windows, and though they provided rare light against the darkness, this reality was somehow more frightening. Suddenly my friends weren't there anymore. I was swamped, overwhelmed by this, feeling, this power over me that had me bawling on the inside without a trace of emotion showing on the outside. What is this feeling? I didn't know. It is the Fear, the sadness of the Unknown. I was all alone in the near darkness, in the carelessly lit alleyways. It was a feeling of something Lost but Not Forgotten. Like I've lost something important and am grieving for it. But what is it that I grieve for? Is it something from a past life? Or is it my imagination playing with me? How can one remote location evoke such a strong emotional response in me when I've never been here? What relationship do I have with this place? Why do I love it, loathe it so? Is it the place that is sad or is it me?
(I can say that this feeling is very similar to my emotional reaction to the railway scene in 'Spirited Away' as well as listening to its soundtrack 'the Sixth Stop'. A bitter-sweet nostalgia. A sense of knowing that you might not be able to return. Like your destiny could change dramatically if you just... took that train and drifted away.)
(I can say that this feeling is very similar to my emotional reaction to the railway scene in 'Spirited Away' as well as listening to its soundtrack 'the Sixth Stop'. A bitter-sweet nostalgia. A sense of knowing that you might not be able to return. Like your destiny could change dramatically if you just... took that train and drifted away.)